My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
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Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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