Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
