my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
