He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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