UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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