Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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