so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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