The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
