Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think your dad took our porno
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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