did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
