I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Randomize
