Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
