And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize