so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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