I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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