Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
