i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
