just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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