she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It's like God shit irony all over that family
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
