We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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