Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
