on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
