Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
