Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
