you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
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I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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