so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
