He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I need to sanitize my soul.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
