Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize