so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
