LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable