Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
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Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
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I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman