broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.