i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
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I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
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I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass