Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.