He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder