It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
