"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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