You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize