Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize