Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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