I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
