k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
