She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
