I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize