zippers are such a cool invention
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
