You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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