I just made out with a guy for $7.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
