I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
