watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
