spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
