marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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