Whod you bang
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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