I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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