Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
