He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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