Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
