someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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