i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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