White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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