Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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