OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
