Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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