It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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