god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
