I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
