HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
